Raising an Independent Child: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents

Hey there, we're diving into a really important topic: helping your kids grow into independent, decision-savvy individuals. This one's not for adults but for you awesome parents who want the best for your little ones.


We're gonna uncover the secrets to raising independent kids, so listen up, 'cause this is the roadmap to their future. And you know what? We're not just making this stuff up. We've got child education experts backing us up with their wisdom and advice. Get ready for a journey that'll touch your heart and set your kids on a great path!

We don't need to define what independence is; every parent has more or less an idea of what it means. However, to ensure we are on the same page, let's clarify. According to Wikipedia, Larousse, or any other dictionary you might consult in your language, independence means the absence of relationships (subordination, cause and effect, coordination) between different entities. In other words, a person who can fend for themselves without needing constant supervision. Now, let's dive into the heart of the matter. According to Shridhar Maheshwari, a counseling psychologist, there are just three key points to focus on.


1. Let Them Make Decisions

Granting children the freedom to make decisions, even if they might be wrong, is crucial for their development. Parents often tend to make decisions on behalf of their children, fearing the consequences of a poor choice.

If you want them to be responsible, you'll need to give them choices and more authority to make decisions. Parents constantly hijack the child's decision-making process. "Don't spend money on this or that. Don't hang out with him or her; it will cost us money. It will cost us time. Why go through all this trouble when we already know the best decision... and many more." Just think, if you hadn't experienced these things yourself, you wouldn't have this wisdom.

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2. Don't Protect Them Too Much

According to Rudolf Dreikurs, an Austrian psychiatrist and educator who developed a unique approach to Alfred Adler's individual psychology, "Children need freedom and limits, lots of freedom and very few limits."

It's natural to want to shield your child from difficulties and stressful situations, but challenges are learning opportunities. Let them face obstacles and negative emotions, but make sure you're there to support and guide them through these moments. Take the common scenario of a school fight or a disagreement between children in the neighborhood.

If someone hits your son, some parents instinctively rush to the school and threaten the child, "if you ever touch my little boy, I'll give you a beating." Or if your child fails a school test and you feel like shouting at the teacher, "How dare you give fewer points to my child?" We understand that as a protective parent, it's your instinct speaking.

But if you want an independent and responsible child, you'll need to develop some tolerance for risk. You'll need to tolerate your child crying, being scared, and getting hurt. All of this helps them face whatever life throws their way. In some cases, you'll find children with a surprisingly mature outlook for their age; in 90% of these cases, these children have been through decisive moments in their lives.

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3. Don't Do Everything for Them

What do you think is the best way to express your love? Let your child's mess be cleaned up by your maid when they spill something. Give them everything you never had at their age. Tidy their room because they won't do it? Give them everything they want without a second thought.

The concern for most parents about how to make their children more independent and responsible usually arises when parents realize the child is pampered, spoiled, fearful, or dependent. Showing unwavering love isn't the best way to prove your love. Let them fix their mistakes if necessary; guide them with advice and tips without doing too much. Making things challenging is often the best way to develop their intelligence. Even if it means they'll hate you for 5 minutes. Skills are developed by doing. Do fewer and fewer things for them.


Raising an independent and responsible child requires courage, patience, and a profound understanding of their development. By letting children make their own choices, overcome obstacles, and learn from their mistakes, parents offer them a precious gift: autonomy. Balancing protection and freedom is delicate, but it's in this middle ground that children can grow, learn, and fully flourish.