However, it is essential to emphasize that valuable lessons can be learned even during these painful experiences. In this article, we will explore the insights gained from divorce and share critical principles for building a solid marriage. Rather than solely focusing on the negative aspects, we will draw from the experiences of divorced individuals, insights from relationship coaches, or personal anecdotes to help you understand essential elements and promote practical and encouraging solutions. Whether you have gone through a divorce or seek to strengthen your relationship, these tips can guide you toward a fulfilling and enduring marriage.

1. listening to your partner

In a strong marriage, listening to one another is paramount in establishing a harmonious and balanced relationship. While cultural norms or traditional roles may assign men as the familys provider, it is crucial to emphasize that this does not grant them the right to neglect or ignore their partners opinions and needs.

It is essential to recognize that equality and mutual respect should be the foundation of any marital relationship. Regardless of traditional roles that may exist, each spouse has the right to be heard and understood. Active listening is vital to promote this equality and build open and honest communication.

Lets consider an example of a conflict situation. Instead of seeking to impose ones viewpoint, both spouses should adopt a calm and respectful tone. A conducive space is created for mutual understanding and the search for solutions by actively listening and being open to each others perspectives.

2. Realistic Expectations in a Marital Relationship

In a marital relationship, expectations play a crucial role. However, it is essential to recognize the impact of unrealistic expectations on the relationships health. These expectations can pressure both partners and lead to unnecessary frustrations and conflicts.

To illustrate this point, lets take the example of Okoro Blessing Nkiruka, a relationship coach who married at 18 but ended up divorcing at 21. In her YouTube testimony, she shares her experience and explains that her husband had unrealistic expectations regarding her maturity and behavior at her age. At 18, she had not yet acquired certain elements or predispositions necessary to meet those expectations. As she highlighted, sometimes it is essential to grow with ones partner, as time and patience can play an important role in the relationship.

Another relevant example is Paul and Marie, who faced difficulties due to unrealistic expectations. As the male in the relationship, Paul felt the burden of having to be both an emotional support for Marie and a passionate lover. However, he felt overwhelmed and unable to meet all these expectations.

On the other hand, Marie expected Paul to fulfill all her sexual desires and fantasies, but he could not. Over time, this frustration created tensions and misunderstandings in their relationship. Despite their communication efforts, they were in a vicious cycle of anger and resentment.

Eventually, their relationship came to an end, leaving behind disappointment and sadness. It was after the breakup that Marie revealed to Paul her unrealistic expectations and the frustrations she felt. This moment was a wake-up call for both of them, prompting them to reflect on the importance of developing realistic expectations in a relationship.

It is crucial to recognize that no one can be perfect and meet all of their partners expectations in a marital relationship. It is vital to establish realistic expectations and communicate them openly. This helps to avoid misunderstandings and find mutually satisfying compromises for both partners.

To manage mutual expectations constructively, it is essential to cultivate open communication, understanding, and empathy. By actively listening to ones partner, seeking to understand their needs, and finding mutually beneficial solutions, couples can strengthen their relationship and avoid the pitfalls of unrealistic expectations.

3. Communication and Understanding

Lets use my own experience to illustrate this section. All of my relationships ended because communication was cut off from the start. It was as if we didnt know how to do it. In hindsight, I realize it was my fault because I closed myself off without taking the time to ask basic questions to my partner. How was your day? Tell me a bit about it... Making surprises, taking the time alone to listen, and sometimes solving their anxieties.

I realized that communication is the fundamental pillar of a marriage, a relationship, and even a fulfilling and lasting friendship. Through communication, spouses can express their needs, emotions, and concerns while actively listening to their partner. Mutual understanding is also essential to avoid misunderstandings and cultivate a deep connection.

This should be cultivated from the beginning, before marriage, and intensified afterward. Life is long; imagine all those years. So, reflecting on it and committing to doing so is essential. Another critical aspect coach Okoro Blessing Nkiruka mentioned is that sometimes it is necessary to accept compromises. Listening, welcoming, and believing in each other.

Adopting practices such as active listening, kindness, and patience is essential to improve communication in a marriage. This means giving undivided attention to ones partner when they speak and avoiding distractions and interruptions. It is also necessary to show empathy by understanding the other persons emotions and perspectives, even if they differ from ones own.

Communication in a marriage is not limited to severe discussions alone. Cultivating daily communication by sharing moments of joy, common interests, and everyday concerns is equally important. This strengthens the emotional connection and promotes a fulfilling relationship.

4. Love is Not Enough

The myth that love alone can sustain a strong marriage often persists. However, it is vital to challenge this notion and recognize that love alone cannot build and maintain a lasting relationship. Drawing from the coachs experience, it is evident that romantic chemistry differs from compatibility. Romantic chemistry encompasses love, desire, and the longing to be with someone through physical affection and passionate expressions. But compatibility is an entirely different dimension that allows two people to stay together forever. It is possible to love someone without being compatible, and this lack of compatibility often leads to frequent divorces. One can be attracted to someone, but once they share daily life with that person for a year, two years, or more, they realize it cannot work because compatibility is absent. These distinctions are tremendously helpful in understanding the different facets of relationships.

It is crucial to take the time to reflect when considering a long-term relationship. Is it worth it? As mentioned earlier, everyone aspires to peace, and divorce is not a happy choice when, at the core, we marry for love. Therefore, feel free to leave comments with questions or additions to help those who are going through moments of doubt.

Building a solid and fulfilling marital relationship requires much more than love alone. Realistic expectations, effective communication, mutual understanding, compatibility, and mutual investment are essential for cultivating a lasting relationship. By questioning myths and preconceived notions, working on oneself, and actively seeking to improve the relationship, couples can build a strong bond that withstands challenges.